So I'm working in the restaurant and busting my ass for these two mid-thirties attractive women. They go through loads of the small plates, I push them onto Prosecco, they love it, they re-order more food, the brunette tells me it's her birthday, I encourage them to buy more Prosecco, they do. 

Eventually, last to leave they ask for the bill. I bring it. I write on it that service is not included. The blonde, the more attractive, pays, cos its not her birthday and they start leaving. Not being American but being an actor I say 'oh was there a problem.. Did I do something wrong?'
-'No god you were wonderful everything's was lovely' the blonde nearly trips over her leather micro skirt, I look at her legs.
'Oh I see' I say 'it's just you haven't tipped, so I thought maybe you didn't enjoy the meal.'

The blonde aghast and offended that I might even mention this staggers toward the exit. The brunette incredibly embarrassed starts fumbling in her pocket for change, she places apologetically £2.36 into my tired hand and says 'you know I saw you in here last night having dinner', 'yeah I was having dinner with my friend Lorna, she's a painter'.
'I thought' she says, looking into my eyes.

'I thought he's quite, I'd like to have a little ... With him.'
' I'm sorry?' I bark.
'......'. Her eyes wander in mine.
'You wanted to what?' I persist.
'I wanted to... When are you next in?'.

'Saturday'.

'Well I'll come in then'.

'Then we can?'.
'Then we can go and have...some,fun...'
'................cool..' I say.
'...........see you then. Then.'
She turns, victorious. I pocket the £2.36.
She finds her way through the door, the bell clangs.
The blonde was hotter but hey, overall I just wanted twelve percent, you know?